self love

it's been a while since I wrote something.

self-love — that's something strange to me. honestly, I don't know much about it. I am not drawing any conclusion about this, I am just here sharing my thoughts that I have realized lately.

as for me, maybe it's something like standing up for yourself, taking care of yourself, giving yourself a warm hug and saying it's alright to be this way, wiping your own tears and consoling yourself when no one does.

I grew up in a house full of people, so it was natural for me to neglect my feelings. I was always busy doing something, so I never had time to think about this. recently, I have read a book in which the female protagonist was far away from the beauty standards set by society. she wasn't all slim and trim — she had curves, etc. but the only eye-catching thing about her was her "CONFIDENCE." she never really cared what others said or thought about her. even though people around her gave tons of suggestions about how to lose weight, and sometimes mocked her, she never really cared. while reading, It gave me goosebumps, and before I knew it, I found myself genuinely admiring her, I was wondering — did I ever think like that? did I ever embrace myself? did I ever say that I love the way I am?

nahh, I don't remember saying anything like that because I never really once patted myself and said, "you did a good job."

Because I thought it wasn’t that important.
But at some point, you will realize that it does matter what you say to yourself

I always humbled myself, saying if I do this, I would be portrayed as an arrogant brat.

Back then, even though I had a loving, supportive family, I couldn’t hold onto their love because I felt like a cracked vessel that couldn’t contain any.

after reading that book, I felt the need for "love" — not from others, but from within me. it was like I have to be there for myself, even against all odds.

this thing is very tough because I am still trying to learn about this.

after realizing this, life has become easier, less complicated, because I have stopped caring about others' opinions. instead, I am focusing more on what I think. this way, life has become more peaceful and calm. I know this will take a lot of time. I hope to be this way in the future. I hope I remember to love myself.

Signing off for now — take care and see you next time! 🌸