life

L I F E

As a child, I had a different perspective on life—everything was sorted, except for studies. Anything outside of academics felt like a waste of time. Even writing this blog would have seemed pointless back then. But as an adult, I see life from a completely different perspective

As a 21-year-old adult, every day brings something new to experience. Sometimes it's a wave of sadness that I just want to pass quickly, and other times it's a wholesome, happy moment that I wish I could hold onto forever—but I can't. Somehow, they always vanish.

I used to hate gloomy weather. Every drop of rain used to get on my nerves. But I was so busy hating it that I never realized when I started to fall in love with it. Now, it gives me a strange kind of comfort.

I feel like life is such a beautiful opportunity—to experience things, to grow as a human being, to carve out our soul—that it would be such a waste to give up on it.

I've always feared change. It made me uncomfortable, as if it were the end of the world. But now, I’m okay with it. I'm trying my best to normalize it and move on to the next day. Maybe being too uncomfortable or getting freaked out was what was making me tired—or maybe it was something else. I don’t really know what it was, but somehow, I changed—gradually. 

I know there’s still a long way to go, this shift means a lot to me. And even though I’m still trying to figure out the deepest secrets of life, I’m glad that I’m changing. I’ve made it this far—at least that’s better than freaking out and making a fool out of myself.

Yeah, I know I’ve been talking a lot about this ‘change’—you might be a little annoyed by it, but this transformation feels personal. It deserves space, even it it's messy 

 I know life won’t always feel as poetic as it does while writing this blog, but I’ll try to make it just as beautiful in reality.

So if you’re reading this and feeling lost—just know, you’re not alone. We’re all figuring it out

Until next time… keep growing, keep glowing.

self love

it's been a while since I wrote something.

self-love — that's something strange to me. honestly, I don't know much about it. I am not drawing any conclusion about this, I am just here sharing my thoughts that I have realized lately.

as for me, maybe it's something like standing up for yourself, taking care of yourself, giving yourself a warm hug and saying it's alright to be this way, wiping your own tears and consoling yourself when no one does.

I grew up in a house full of people, so it was natural for me to neglect my feelings. I was always busy doing something, so I never had time to think about this. recently, I have read a book in which the female protagonist was far away from the beauty standards set by society. she wasn't all slim and trim — she had curves, etc. but the only eye-catching thing about her was her "CONFIDENCE." she never really cared what others said or thought about her. even though people around her gave tons of suggestions about how to lose weight, and sometimes mocked her, she never really cared. while reading, It gave me goosebumps, and before I knew it, I found myself genuinely admiring her, I was wondering — did I ever think like that? did I ever embrace myself? did I ever say that I love the way I am?

nahh, I don't remember saying anything like that because I never really once patted myself and said, "you did a good job."

Because I thought it wasn’t that important.
But at some point, you will realize that it does matter what you say to yourself

I always humbled myself, saying if I do this, I would be portrayed as an arrogant brat.

Back then, even though I had a loving, supportive family, I couldn’t hold onto their love because I felt like a cracked vessel that couldn’t contain any.

after reading that book, I felt the need for "love" — not from others, but from within me. it was like I have to be there for myself, even against all odds.

this thing is very tough because I am still trying to learn about this.

after realizing this, life has become easier, less complicated, because I have stopped caring about others' opinions. instead, I am focusing more on what I think. this way, life has become more peaceful and calm. I know this will take a lot of time. I hope to be this way in the future. I hope I remember to love myself.

Signing off for now — take care and see you next time! 🌸